Crypto Jew

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 I was taken aback when asked if I was a Jew or rather told that they were not interested if I was not a Jew.  At 50, and in Miami I thought women would be beyond that.   Or maybe she thought of herself as the second coming of Sarah ?

But while hanging out at the Panera in Aventura, I met an Israeli into commercial real estate, so we spoke at length about many subjects until I mentioned the above and that I had a Jewish great grandmother who migrated to Michigan, prior to WWII and raised my Grandfather as a Presbyterian.  So technically my Grandfather was a Jew.

But then my Grandfather married a "Unitarian".   Since Jewishness is generally passed down through the mother, OK did I lose my Jewishness?   Hmm.... I don't think Unitarianism is a religion so like if he was a Jew, wouldn't my mother have then been a sort of Jew and that would then make me full Jew.  

Or am I like a sort of Jew - a non Kosher Jew?   Sort of like a Lox Bagel made at a Kroger or Publix rather than the Kosher Deli.

But if the Jew gene is the "chosen" gene, wouldn't it sort of dominate the other genes?

So my new Israeli friend explained, "You are either a Jew or you are not a Jew."

"I'm circumcised!  Doesn't that make me a Jew!"

He had a thoughtful look.

"And my son Jordan was also circumcised on the 8th day.  Can't that make him a Jew?"

Looking thoughtfully again....

"I mean he's named after the only damn river in the country.  Besides, I never watch the Holocaust movies.  Hate them.  Instead I watch the ones like INGLORIOUS BASTARDS or DEFIANCE and root for the Jews."

He's still looking thoughtfully at me.

"Here you know the books of Torah right?   I've purchased and given away several copies of Denis Praegers Genesis and Exodus.  My son has read them both.  You know the rest of the Torah books right."

"Uh..."

"No?  You don't know Leviticus - like where Liev Schriber got his name?  Numbers, numbering of the tribes from Egypt,  Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, first and second Samuel, first and second Choronicles - of the good and bad Kings of Israel and Judea?"

"OK." He said with a sigh.  "If I'm a Jew and I don't know any of that, but you do and you want to be a Jew, then you are a Jew.  Shalom."

"Shalom to you too!  Once you have the circumcision thing out of the way - the rest is easy."

But, shhhhhhh.....as someone who practices James 1:27........and celebrates Easter.....I guess that makes me a crypto-Jew - a Jew that hides out in another religion even while identifying with and maintaining Judaic practices.

What do you bet match.com is owned by Jews ?






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