She wants: emotional availability vs. "no baggage please"

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I added to my dating profile, "EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE.  FIRST CLASS EXCESS BAGGAGE SERVICE.."

One of my first "business dates" advised, "No one wants to hear your baggage.  Move on."

But after 30 years of AA, I've watched a lot of baggage get unloaded in and after meetings.  It was claimed "a burdened shared is a burden halved" and what I saw generally bore to the veracity of that position.

It also occurred to me that truthfully "sharing burdens" can be beneficial as in the following example: if the woman I am interested in, has daughters by two different Venezuelan fathers it might help if I knew and exactly how each dad might have been abusive and/or neglectful in their own particular way.  No?

Maybe if I went through all of your baggage, rather than being distracted by your perfect smile, plucked eyebrows, silver streaked hair and tight little footsteps beneath that 24 carat Venezuelan ass, I might have been ready for what hit me when picking up your 9 year old on a Friday afternoon. She was excited about going to dinner with dad on Friday night, but dad did not show.  No call.  No text.

So Friday night I end up taking mom and 9 year old to dinner where I asked the little girl how the no show, non communicating dad situation made her feel ?  Little girl stated that in her mind it was more exciting, to not really know if dad was going to show up.

What?!  I'll explain.  It's deep in the excess baggage.

The 9 year old's mother was 10 and living in Valencia, Venezuela, in 1994 when her father, a former Military Officer called her on a Friday night and said that he was going into Caracas, but would be back to Valencia on Saturday at noon, to take her to the beach.  

That Saturday in 1994 came and went with the 10 year old girl calling dad's cell and being sent directly to voicemail.  Sunday morning the little girl was pulled out of bed and advised that her father had been killed in a car accident.  Years later she and the 9 and 12 grand-daughters were told the real story.  He'd been taken out and shot by Chavista security forces.

The 9 year old girl was on Friday nights and through the weekend, wondering where her dad was,  knowing that mom's Dad who never showed, had been shot in the back of the head.  So my date's 9 year mentally constructed a "thrilling weekend game"  gambling that Venezuelan playboy dad was just "catting around" Doral with the latest girlfriend and would show up late Sunday night to take little girl to his apartment and then to school Monday morning at 8:00 am.  Wow. Kids cope.  But it did significantly stress her out and affect mom and I in the development of our relationsip. 

This 9 year old, her 12 year old sister, their mom, their broken dads, two traumatized extended families and the whole damn country of Venezuela - nothing but baggage that no-one can do anything about.   

Or maybe, just maybe, mom and those two girls were born to change this (my) life.  And maybe my arms and broken heart were made to hold them, if only for a moment.

Blessed are they that mourn (for the suffering of others) for they shall be comforted.   


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