Years vs. Learning - No on is to blame

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I have a friend who has been divorced for several years.  He advised the best advice he received was to evaluate or judge a relationship not by the number of years but rather by the lessons learned.

I had a relationship that lasted 25 years.  It had a problem from the start and it took me 25 to admit what was wrong and move on.   The next relationship lasted 2.5 months.  Going into it, I evaluated the probability of it lasting or not and gave it about a 10% chance.  But that 2.5 months dramatically changed my life and 3 others for the better, significantly and tender were those nights.

Lesson learned, mission accomplished.  

We have to be honest about the painful shortcomings that we may have, the other person may have or maybe there are just differences between the two of us at a particular point in life to where we can both learn and grow working through some differences and difficulties, but there will be other issues that are then evident that make a functional relationship impossible at a particular time.

I learned to step back and take stock.  Take less direct hits for a shorter period of time and there is a lot less damage for you to recover from and a lot less for either or both of you to feel badly or guilty about.



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